This is the first time I've ever seen anything written about this, and it's me completely. I spent nearly 20 years working as a teacher and avoided the staff room for this very reason. And I've always felt like I'm on the outside because of it. Gossip is like social currency and I don't want any part of it.
I feel so seen! I've always been an introvert and like my own company. I have zero patience for people who use the failures of others as entertainment.
I so relate to this, thank you for writing this. I feel exactly this. Gossip is always bad, things get passed on out of context and comes back to bite you.
The person who is being kind only when the other person is in the room isn't really kind at all. Their kindness if completely fake and self-serving.
One of my favorite authors, Wayne Dyer, said that other people's opinions are just that - theirs. It's your own opinion of yourself that is what is real and belongs to you.
I'd love to hear the thoughts of some of your readers about something that has bothered me regarding this subject: I have seen over the years that most of the ugly gossip you are referring to comes from women. Am I wrong, or is there some truth in that?
I find myself intolerant of gossip, anxious to leave, and distrustful of those gossipers going forward.
Thanks for writing this article. I think it hits home for many of us.
Heather, I worked in a male dominated career for 23+ years. The men I worked with were WORSE than women! I called them “hens”-lol!
I’d always walk away when the “ranting” began. That’s one reason I hung out with men most of my life. Women were usually very catty. There are always exceptions to the rule.
You're right to put yourself in another person's shoes. For me, opening up takes repeated meetings, some psychology, and some risk. That includes small talk (but not gossip). People need time to observe someone without judging them immediately. Use small talk the way you would use a magic key to open the castle door.
I love the idea of the magic key. In this world of insta this and insta that, I am just wired to be quiet, observant and weigh folks up before I take that risk. Also, I'm naturally suspicious! ;)
If you are in a group that starts to gossip, you have to protest or leave the group. If you stay it can validly be said you were gossiping even if you never said a word. You received the word.
This made me think about how I've alway been bad at flirting. Like small talk and superficial conversations, it always felt like a waste of time and energy.
My hero (Eleanor) Roosevelt once remarked that wise intellect individuals discuss ideas.
Average people discuss events and simple minds discuss people
Outstanding , Article!
I’ve always loved this.
This is the first time I've ever seen anything written about this, and it's me completely. I spent nearly 20 years working as a teacher and avoided the staff room for this very reason. And I've always felt like I'm on the outside because of it. Gossip is like social currency and I don't want any part of it.
“Written for the ones who'd rather be honest and quiet than liked and two-faced.” This.
I feel so seen! I've always been an introvert and like my own company. I have zero patience for people who use the failures of others as entertainment.
I so relate to this, thank you for writing this. I feel exactly this. Gossip is always bad, things get passed on out of context and comes back to bite you.
So true..
The person who is being kind only when the other person is in the room isn't really kind at all. Their kindness if completely fake and self-serving.
One of my favorite authors, Wayne Dyer, said that other people's opinions are just that - theirs. It's your own opinion of yourself that is what is real and belongs to you.
I'd love to hear the thoughts of some of your readers about something that has bothered me regarding this subject: I have seen over the years that most of the ugly gossip you are referring to comes from women. Am I wrong, or is there some truth in that?
I find myself intolerant of gossip, anxious to leave, and distrustful of those gossipers going forward.
Thanks for writing this article. I think it hits home for many of us.
I feel both men and women are same when gossiping, just their topics are different, relevant to them.
Though I’ve worked everywhere, I’m mostly in the South and WOW are those southern men 100% as bad as women on the gossip. It’s baffling.
Heather, I worked in a male dominated career for 23+ years. The men I worked with were WORSE than women! I called them “hens”-lol!
I’d always walk away when the “ranting” began. That’s one reason I hung out with men most of my life. Women were usually very catty. There are always exceptions to the rule.
Thank you for this lovely reminder to be kind and not waste energy on superficial conversation.
“They who gossip to you, will gossip of you.”
You're right to put yourself in another person's shoes. For me, opening up takes repeated meetings, some psychology, and some risk. That includes small talk (but not gossip). People need time to observe someone without judging them immediately. Use small talk the way you would use a magic key to open the castle door.
I love the idea of the magic key. In this world of insta this and insta that, I am just wired to be quiet, observant and weigh folks up before I take that risk. Also, I'm naturally suspicious! ;)
If you are in a group that starts to gossip, you have to protest or leave the group. If you stay it can validly be said you were gossiping even if you never said a word. You received the word.
Nonsense. If you don't participate, you're not gossiping.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing“
I have a limited amount of social energy.
I’m certainly not wasting it talking about someone who had the good sense not to come.
This made me think about how I've alway been bad at flirting. Like small talk and superficial conversations, it always felt like a waste of time and energy.
This makes me giggle, so true, it feels sooooo forced and unnatural- couldn’t be bothered.
This was lovely
Thank you 😊
It's fabulous, I love it, thank you so much! Finally, I feel less alien, maybe I'll stop hating myself. 💐
Thank you
Since I was a child, gossip has made me feel exhausted. Thank you for this.
The fatigue of gossip costing you something every single time…. Absolutely!